Through the rapids...

The past two months have been a torrent of times in trouble waters with decisions been made that I was barely able to actually make. In hindsight when I look back and try to analyse my decisions I, fall flat on where my logic was, where my mind was and how I was able to make such decisions that affected not just my own life but so many people close to me. I guess the important factor is that I can recognize it and try to correct it. My main aim now is to dissect it and put it back together piece by piece, maybe I might find some comfort for the hurt and pain that I caused so many.

This leads me to a question, Do we really know how many people’s lives are truly attached to our decisions we make everyday? Do we just make them without regard of knowing what it does to people around us? Sure enough, sometimes you need to make decisions for yourself and try keep all outside factors at bay, but do we ever really think about how it will affect people connected to us?

I recently was dealt a very handy lesson in life by life itself. Life took hold of me, put me over her knee and spanked every emotion I ever hid right out of me. I never knew the lesson I was suppose to learn and the more I resisted it the more life just dealt me the worse cards ever, setting me up for more emotions to feel. I have always been a fighter and I did what came naturally, I believed I was right and fought anything life tried to show me. I developed an imaginary world and sucked people who really cared about me into it. I made my closest family members believed my imaginary world. I sought for refuge by explaining my decisions, rationalising the choices I made , and while everyone agreed with me and made my imaginary world bigger, life was busy winding up that backhand that soon was to slap me into another universe, more like reality.

I say, looking back, when you feel like you are been pulled from one direction to the next and you feel like your world is spinning around you and you are not sure which way to turn, stop think and take in the learning the was meant to be taken in before you destroy your life and those closest to you. It is amazing how people can change their world and live in denial, just not to be able to deal with their current situation. Life has a plan for us and we need to take into account that we may not be in the driving seat all the time.

I'm not done with my journey as yet, and who knows if I ever will be done, but we live and learn each day and while doing this, we decide on which routes to take. Change is the only constant that we will ever have in our lives, I say embrace it and take it to the next level. If you fight it you may be in line for one of life’s winding back hands that soon enough slaps u into reality. Stop, Look, and listen to what’s around you, and appreciate those around you with the comfort of knowing that you are loved. When its time to decide, remember your decisions affect many people around you, some obvious and some not so, be very careful who you hurt with your decisions.

Broken

Ever wonder why the word Broken is never a word that describes the end of something? Well taking a page out of my own book I'm saying, we, as humans we are taught that when it breaks we can always fix it. Remember how your favourite toy would break in some poor mishap and you would ball your eyes out,and your mom or dad would somehow have a makeshift repair done? Now that the sort of thing that parents teach us without saying words, the teach us to mend things and never use broken as a word of finality, but what they fail to tell you is that that the makeshift repair alters the toy its self. Though we might play with is for a little while longer, we soon lose interest and find a new best toy...

Is this not part of growing? Learning and moving forward? Do we ever stop learning or growing? I don’t think so, we just try to slow the process down with years by lying to ourselves

Its like good emotions? We all as adults have them, but we seldom control it, we don’t know how, yet we penalise ourselves when we know  we feel the wrong emotions... WTF, when did we lose the lesson of broken? If its broken, its damaged, no matter how much you try and repair it, the crack still shows. Its a constant reminder of how it broke, why it broke and how defeated you are. Its time to make hard choices at this point

I say, personally that is, in life, love and personal growth, we all need to break things, we will all come across feeling broken, its a cycle that repeats itself if you don’t have the balls to break the cycle. Love , life and growth should not break you, you may shed ,and come out with a new shinny exterior but you should never be broken by it. Funny thing is, if you are broken by it, the crack shows, and its a constant reminder that while you believed in forever and worked for it, the earth shattered beneath your feet. How does one recover from that?

So what do you do when Love or Life breaks you? 

I would suggest

1.       Forgive yourself, life is too short.

2.       Move past it knowing that you dug deep but found yourself alone.

3.       The crack that shows in your heart, remember you never cracked it but you will heal it completely alone or with the help of someone brave enough to see past the crack.

4.       Love again, and don’t hold back, give all you have, its what you meant to do, whether you get hurt again or not, you can’t love harbouring ill feelings or thoughts of hate and hurt.

5.       Accept the fact that you are different now, and make peace with it.

Just remember, if you always remain true to yourself and your main vein runs true, you will have some solace through the pain and hurt you feel. Try not to lie to yourself, because as time passes it builds to a point where you explode.